if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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