I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
