Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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