she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
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We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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