Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
