be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
