Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
