My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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