I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
