i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Randomize
