just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
