a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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