We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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