P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
