Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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