Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
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I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
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It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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