oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
