You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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