I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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