dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
