I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
