kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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