I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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