she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Brb crying the tears of my youth
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
