i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
