oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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