Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
