I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
