I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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