arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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