the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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