I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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