Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
