i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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