Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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