I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
