woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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