high people should be assigned attendants
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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