I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
