our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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