So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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