I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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