My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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