i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
