I want to make a zoo with you.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
