I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize