Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
