"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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