if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you had me at cake vodka
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My bed smells like the plague
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