yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
