I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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