real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize