so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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