wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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