You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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