he referred to my room as the tit cave...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
