I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
