did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
