I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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