even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
