guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
