We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
