shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
