ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
