Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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