where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
