Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
