i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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