great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
