note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
