if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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