I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dick very happy bro
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize