She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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