I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
