Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
