Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
