it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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