This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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