WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
