His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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